Let our grudge go. Don’t hold it

Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace – Buddha

A few days in the past I went to my friend’s house. His ten-year-old son was watching a movie on television when I entered. The hero of a movie was saying on television that he wanted to assault the person who humiliated him on the road previous day. That small boy’s face became bright, and he applauded the hero’s action by clapping his hands together for expressing his enmity. 

Can we try improving the outlook of this movie? Why can’t the hero drop his grudge and forgive the person who humiliated him? He won’t do that because it’s a movie. The hero works on tit for tat. But…How about in real life? Are we ready to drop or hold the grudge like the hero of the movie? 

I was bewildered when I heard that some persons carry their grudge on somebody for more than fifteen years. Many of us may hold our grudge on somebody and it doesn’t allow us to have a cordial relationship with fellow human beings. We cannot forget the confrontation which happened long ago. But unnecessarily we hold our grudge. Unnecessarily?

Yes, it is unnecessary. If we look into this very acutely, we will be able to distinguish that holding the grudge does not serve any purpose. It does not yield any good thing to us. Then why do we hold this menace in the name of grudge, enmity, etc., unfortunately, we do not have answers to these questions because we think we punish somebody indirectly by holding the grudge. If truth be told we punish ourselves.


Ok. We have a grudge on somebody. So, what? Here it is very important to discuss the disadvantages of holding the grudge. Subsequently, we can decide whether we should hold or drop it.

Disadvantages of holding the grudge

  • The first and foremost point is, it affects our health severely. When we bear the grudge, it will become an obsession in our minds. If we bear our grudge for more than ten years, the chances are extremely thick to get mental related issues.
  • We cannot enjoy an amiable relationship with any person. Be it a neighbour or colleague or relatives, it will be the toughest one to maintain the relationship as the grudge will bring anger and bitterness in every relationship.
  • The output of our work may be unproductive as we cannot involve ourselves in any kind of work. 
  • Since our confidence level gets into deep, we will face negativity on many issues. We may think our life has no meaning or purpose and cannot benefit from our present life.
  • The grudge of us sometimes allows us to act without humanity. 
  • Finally, it kills peacefulness, love, and creates stumbling-block in our regular work schedule.

We might have been hurt by somebody in our life. Every one of us may have been affected by some bitter incidents such as betrayal, humiliation. Hence, we cannot easily erase those unpleasant incidents from our minds. Ok, just imagine, how long can we hold and live with a grudge? And what are we going to discipline our children about the value of the relationships? 

Ok, but how to live without grudge or how to kill this grudge?

It is not so facile to drop our grudge soon after we decide. This is a mind game. The mind of us demands something inside when something goes out. Yes, if we want to drop our grudge, we should bring in forgiveness. Forgiveness remains an excellent piece of equipment to eliminate the grudge from our mind completely.

What is forgiveness?

Psychologists commonly characterize forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has ruined us, regardless of whether they deserve our forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses.

Benefits of Forgiveness

  • Determined relationship
  • Relief from mental illness
  • Better immune system
  • A lower level of blood pressure
  • A feeling of better self-respect

We hold this grudge for the bitterness of the past but please remember it should not spoil our peaceful life of present and future. We cannot go back and correct our past but can keep our present life happy and joyful by promoting forgiveness into our life.

©2020 Murali

53 thoughts on “Let our grudge go. Don’t hold it

  1. The Bible says, “Vengeance is mine.[says the Lord] I will repay.” He is the only one who has the right to exact revenge, because He is the only one that knows everything going on.
    Meanwhile, if the person meant to hurt me, why should I give him the satisfaction of continuing to be hurt? And if he did NOT mean to hurt me – then there’s nothing to forgive, is there?
    I’m sorry about the TV show with the bad message. I can remember when I was a child – many years ago! – shows where the hero saves the day by rescuing the victims, and THEN, seeing the villain in trouble, rescues him too! In some shows, the villain even repented in the end and became a “good guy”! Now THAT’s a God happy ending. 😉

  2. I have to desire to carry around any baggage that isn’t necessary for the journey and I like having my hands free. 😉

  3. Very good! I much prefer forgiveness over holding a grudge. It can bring peace to both parties. Unfortunately, this is also why some people don’t prefer to forgive. They believe that they are holding that person accountable, but really they are holding themselves back from receiving their own peace. Wonderful post!

    1. Yes. That’s what I have mentioned in my post ” we think we punish them indirectly by holding the grudge. If truth be told we punish ourselves”

      Thank you for your appreciation.👌

  4. I don’t agree that the hero is like that because it’s a movie. You can make perfectly good and exciting movies/series without making the hero react like a psycho. Just look at Doctor Who or Star Trek.
    Anyways, excellent advise. Holding on a grudge is a waste of time and energy.

  5. Excellent advice! I couldn’t agree more that we must forgive to live a happy, healthy life.

    My friend says that people’s actions arise out of who they are. When you think about it this way, you realize that the wrong they have done you is because of some inability they have to do otherwise, not because you deserved to be wronged. This realization depersonalizes the situation and makes it easier to forgive and to let go of toxic grudges.

  6. Absolutely, sir! Holding on to grudge doesn’t serve any purpose but only brings in unnecessary complications.

    This post gives some deep insights into an issue that needs to be addressed. Well written!

I'd love to hear from you.